I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
