he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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