He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
love makes seman taste better
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
