so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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