i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
