it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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