At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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