I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
