if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
