Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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