***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
