your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
