You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize