his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
