he puts the penis in happiness.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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