why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
