So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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