Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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