i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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