btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
