Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize