i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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