Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
