I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
