Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
