i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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