Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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