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I'm gonna have a badass scar
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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