Your dad touched me again.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
