when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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