She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
