i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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