he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
