My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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