My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
