I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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