??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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