Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
