How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
