My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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