Where did you get a picture of my penis
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
