Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
