i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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