I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
