but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
