Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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