Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
