ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it glows. i had to have it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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