spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
