How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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