Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
