Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
