I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
