Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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