I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We need to rekindle our bromance
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
