I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
