all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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