I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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