Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
