Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
