The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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