my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
