Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize