I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize